Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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