i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
