Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
