I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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