508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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