Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
