my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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