1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
