Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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