If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
