So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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