He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
