the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
