My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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