I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
