Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
