Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
