So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
