Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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