see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
