yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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