I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
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i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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