i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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