I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
