What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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