i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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