How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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