I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
