plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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