He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
