I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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