I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
