I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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