I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
