I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i now understand why vodka
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
