Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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