Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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