Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Jerry, you need to find god
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
