I'm going to jail i love you
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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