How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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