If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
