I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
