Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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