Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
