i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
