i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
