So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
