she was so not down for the gang bang
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
