dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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