I love black thongs
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
