Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Shame - the story of my life.
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