the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
