I wish life had little blips of pornography
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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