So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
