Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
