he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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