i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
