im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
