my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
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I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
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We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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