ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
