Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
