she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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