WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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