Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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