You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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