Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
