Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
