if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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