No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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