I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize