We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
