Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
