She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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