You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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