omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
